i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
