this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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