If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
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