I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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