I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
