"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Randomize
