Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
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