she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
