make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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