you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
This baby is an asshole
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
