i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
