i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
