I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
