so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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