that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
