kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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