K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
