i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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