did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
