He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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