You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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