Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Randomize
