yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Just pee around me
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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