id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
