I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
