i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
