This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
