He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
