I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
she smelled like a LAN party
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
