I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
dude. I can hear the air.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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