you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
