then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
