Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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