It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
