we have officially lost it.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
