I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
