i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
