put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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