you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
