I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
