Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
