When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
