Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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