I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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