Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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