So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
