Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
