I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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