some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
