I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
