I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
