you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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