Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
