No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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