A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
